


Absolution

by timetravelingvampire



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4224453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetravelingvampire/pseuds/timetravelingvampire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve goes to confession for the first time since the Serum... 70 years later.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Absolution

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Rainne](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainne/gifts).



“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been 70 years since my last confession.” The words rolled off Steve’s tongue as he shifted on his knees, the booth smaller than he remembered. “These are my sins: I have attempted to commit suicide; I have sinned against chastity with myself; I have lusted after a man; and my actions led to the death of a person I love. For these sins and those I cannot now remember and for my sins against charity toward God and neighbor, I humbly repent and ask for counsel, penance, and absolution.”

There was silence from the other side of the confessional. Steve stayed silent for a couple minutes before coughing. “I’m sorry, son. Now thank God for this good confession. Welcome home.”

Steve could hear the priest shuffling papers. “My son, are you sure of the sins you have committed?”

“Yes, Father,” was his immediate answer.

“You are not responsible for sins committed by others,” the priest started. “Was your friend murdered?”

“No, Father,” Steve said, and his voice cracked. “His death was an accident, but I should have prevented it.”

“Should does not equal could. Was there a way in which your actions could have prevented his death?” the priest asked.

Steve looked down at his hands. “He followed me. I knew he wanted to go home, but I asked for his help, and he followed me.”

“Did he do it of his own will?”

“Yes, Father.”

“Did you know then that he would die?” the priest asked.

“No, Father.”

“Then, my son, it was not your fault.”

“But if he hadn’t stayed...” Steve started.

“Do not make his death about you. His choice was to follow you, and if it was truly an accident, then you are not responsible.”

“He fell,” Steve offered. “I couldn’t grab him. I should have grabbed him! It should have been me!”

“Which brings us to one of your mortal sins. Why did you attempt suicide?”

Steve’s knees started to hurt - which he knew was psychosomatic - and he fidgeted. “It, um, it ties in with my other mortal sins?”

“The same friend?”

“Yes, Father.”

The priest sighed. “Well, son, out with it.”

“Father?”

“If I’m to give you penance and absolution, I need to know why, son,” the priest stated, his voice kind.

Steve wiped his hands on his trousers, and once he started talking, the words poured out in a rush. “I’ve been in love with him for years, and I never told him, but he’s the best man I know, and I tried to fall in love with a woman, and it worked for most of the time, and I thought I’d get married, and Buck would be next door, and we could grow old together, and I tried not to, Father, I did, but I felt like I couldn’t stop thinking of him and touchin’ myself, and then when he died, I didn’t want to be here anymore.”

“How do you feel now?”

Steve scoffed, his voice rough. “I don’t have anywhere to go, Father. Everyone’s gone. I just... I don’t wanna be here. I’d rather be with Bucky.”

The priest tapped his fingers. “My son, for your penance, I want you to do two things for me.”

“Yes, Father,” Steve said immediately.

“First, meditate on Luke 15:11-32. It is a blessing you have come back. Second, I want you to seek out someone with whom you can talk. You came to confession, so I know you feel sorrow for what you have done and tried to do, but you need more than just an old priest.”

“But...”

“My son, you have suffered enough,” the priest said firmly. “I will grant you absolution if you make the Act of Contrition.”

Steve wiped tears from his face before responding. “O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of heaven, and the pains of hell; but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, Who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to confess my sins, to do penance, and to amend my life. Amen.”

“God the Father of Mercies, through the death and resurrection of His Son, has brought forgiveness of sin to the world. Through the ministry of the Church, I grant you pardon and absolution for your sin in the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen. Your sins are forgiven. Go in peace.”

Steve finished crossing himself and quietly left the confessional booth, nodding to the old woman next in line.

\----

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been four years since my last confession,” Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face. “These are my sins: I have attempted to commit suicide by letting someone kill me; I have committed fornication with another man several times; and my actions led to the deaths of many. For these sins and those I cannot now remember and for my sins against charity toward God and neighbor, I humbly repent and ask for counsel, penance, and absolution.” 

**Author's Note:**

> THERE. NOW MY PENANCE IS DONE, RAINNE. (this is the easiest thing i have ever written, and i don't even ship steve/bucky. idk, man)


End file.
